


Stand on the Sea-ward Dunes and Call My Name

by MisplacedLonelyHeartsAd



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Dream Sequence, Episode Tag, Episode: s10e18 Book of the Damned, Gen, POV Sam Winchester, Sam and Dean at the beach, Stanford era flashback, environmentally unsound disposal of cellphones, episode coda, gen with vague wincesty overtones
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-18
Updated: 2015-04-18
Packaged: 2018-03-23 13:55:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3770755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MisplacedLonelyHeartsAd/pseuds/MisplacedLonelyHeartsAd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Episode coda for s10e18 "Book of the Damned." A surreal dream sequence at the beach.</p>
<p>
  <em>"Do you remember how we died?"<br/>What an odd question, Sam thinks, even for a dream.</em>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stand on the Sea-ward Dunes and Call My Name

**Author's Note:**

  * For [frozen_delight](https://archiveofourown.org/users/frozen_delight/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Sand Between Our Toes](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3758035) by [frozen_delight](https://archiveofourown.org/users/frozen_delight/pseuds/frozen_delight). 



> This was inspired particularly by the line "Dean thinks he's heard these words before, in another life, in another context."
> 
> Thank you for always being inspiring, my friend.

> _If life was small, if it has made me scornful,_  
>  _Forgive me; I shall straighten like a flame_  
>  _In the great calm of death, and if you want me_  
>  _Stand on the sea-ward dunes and call my name._
> 
> _—Sara Teasdale, from “On the Dunes”_

 

He’d been on a beach before. It wasn’t the kind of beach that Dean dreamed about, though. There weren’t any _cervezas_ or bikinis or even much sand—it was mostly rocks, sticking out of the ground like dinosaur spines, and it was cold. It was winter in northern California, and a light drizzle had begun to fall from the sky.

The waves crashed on the farthest rocks with a roar, but the rhythmic sound didn’t drown out the pounding in his ears, nor did the tang of the salt air clear his head. The beach was empty. His feet slipped a little as he climbed over rocks ever nearer the edge of the waves. Crouching on the tallest one, he felt the cold spray splash his hands, and he kept his eyes trained on the water. _Never turn your back on the ocean_ , his roommate had told him when he learned that Sam had never seen the Pacific. _Especially this time of year. A rogue wave could sweep you away at any time, and you’d be gone without a trace._

He reached into his jacket pocket and drew out his phone, even as his brain was telling him to stop. He looked down at it for a moment, pressed a button twice, and brought it to his ear.

“Sam, for the last time, stop leaving me these stupid drunk messages. It’s okay. All right? You don’t have to apologize, I get it. It hurt like hell, but I’m over it—it’s been like what, two years? Just—stop. I don’t want to hear any more—Jesus, I can’t take it, okay? You wanna hear me say it? I’ll say it: I forgive you. So now you can get on with your life, and stop calling me. _I forgive you_.”

Sam stood up on the rocks and flung the phone out over the waves as forcefully as he could. It was another two years before he heard his brother’s voice again.

*****

“Do you remember how we died?”

_What an odd question_ , Sam thinks, _even for a dream_. He ignores it. “Why are we here?”

“What, on a beach? Or in heaven?”

“ _Is_ this heaven?” Sam asks, confused. It’s a beach, a lovely beach, small and secluded and seemingly made just for them, a gentle curve of sand warm and golden, water blue and glassy, sky wide and bright. He’s never seen it before. “I thought it was a dream.”

“Then you don’t remember how we died,” says Dean, a touch smugly.

“Do you?” Sam counters, feeling strangely irritable.

“Yes,” Dean says with conviction.

Sam waits. “And?” he prompts.

Dean shrugs. “Never mind.”

“ _‘Never mind’?_ ” Now Sam is pretty sure that it’s a dream, but he decides to play along. “So what, we just woke up here?”

“I woke up in the car.” Dean gestures vaguely behind him, where a sandy rise blocks the view. “I found you here.”

Sam climbs up a rocky path and eventually gets high enough to spot the Impala resting on the narrow blacktop highway a quarter of a mile away. He takes a step back and stumbles against his brother. Turning to face him, Sam examines him for clues.

Dean’s slightly sunburnt and his hair is longer than Sam thinks is right, but otherwise he looks normal. He’s barefoot, wearing a faded red t-shirt and jeans, and he’s carrying a pair of unremarkable no-name running shoes. Suddenly remembering, Sam grabs at his brother’s right arm.

It’s pale and smooth with no trace of a scar. Sam draws the arm close to him, tracing the spot where the mark would have been with the tip of his finger, and Dean watches him silently. When Sam looks down into his face, his brother murmurs gently, consolingly, “It’s okay.”

“So you found me here?” Sam asks, dropping his arm. “Asleep?”

Dean snorts. “Yeah, and I kissed you awake, princess. No, you were just here. Standing here, looking at the water.”

“And?”

Dean is looking at him incredulously. “ _And_ I asked you if you remembered how we died.”

“We’re not dead,” Sam says. “This is a dream.”

Dean gives a little shrug— _whatever you say, Sammy_ —then heads back down to the beach. He looks up as he reaches the sand, calling, “Come on, Sammy. Can’t you have a little fun in your dreams?” He shucks his shirt off and, twirling it above his head, does a little impromptu dance in the sunlight. “Come feel the sand between your toes. You know you want to.” He flashes his most beguiling smile, and Sam laughs.

“I want to go see the car,” he calls back. He steps onto the road and walks toward the Impala, which is facing him as he heads north.

The car is dirty, the wheel wells streaked with mud. _Dean should have been furious_ , Sam thinks. He peers inside, and the iron box is resting on the back seat, the curse box that Sam still can’t believe he managed to sneak past his brother. For a moment he panics—what if Dean’s got the book? But then he remembers that Dean was carrying nothing but his shoes. And that this is a dream.

The light dims as a cloud passes over the sun, and Sam looks up at the sky. He’s surprised to find it totally gray, the clouds heavy with moisture, fog rolling in rapidly. He tries the door of the car, but it’s locked. He checks his pockets for keys; there’s nothing in them but an old cellphone.

The rain is starting now, the drops hitting hard on the dingy black finish of the Impala. Only it’s not the Impala, it’s the dusty gray Honda Accord that he borrowed from his roommate and drove down the coast from Palo Alto, fighting tears all the way.

Sam straightens up and looks up and down the deserted highway. He recognizes it now; it’s the Pacific Coast Highway, and that little beach with the smooth pebbles and the big rocks is just at the spot where he left Dean.

He runs, though he knows what he will find. He stands at the top of the path and calls his brother’s name, but the rocky beach is empty. He clings to the big rocks at the edge of the surf and thinks, dispassionately, _I should have told him_.

_Do you remember how we died?_

The rain comes down in a torrent, and the sea spray rears dangerously high as the waves slap the rock. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out the phone. He looks down at it for a moment, presses a button twice, and brings the phone to his ear.

_I forgive you._

He stands, flings the phone far out over the water with all his strength, and turns his back on the waves.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> The California beach is imaginary, but loosely based on the [Pebble Beach](https://www.google.com/maps/place/Bean+Hollow+State+Beach,+Pebble+Beach/@37.236598,-122.415558,2a,90y,90t/data=!3m5!1e2!3m3!1s34004491!2e1!3e10!4m2!3m1!1s0x0000000000000000:0x7ed8e5f82c9fd742!6m1!1e1) at Bean Hollow State Beach near Pescadero.
> 
> Thank you for reading! I love feedback.
> 
> You can find me on tumblr at: [amisplacedlonelyheartsad.tumblr.com](http://amisplacedlonelyheartsad.tumblr.com) or on LJ at: [misplaced_ad.livejournal.com](http://misplaced_ad.livejournal.com)


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